In general when people think of confrontation the things that come to mind are a heightened level of communication.  The tone used is terse, the volume is louder, and the rate and rhythm are often faster than normal.  When one thinks of or is engaged in confrontation they they think of getting in one’s face and pointing their index finger in the person’s chest they are confronting.  While this is definitely a form of confrontation, it is not the most affective use of this personal engagement.

Where does confrontation come from?  Confrontation is usually brought about by differing opinions of right and wrong, when someone is doing something Hot Waterthat is contrary to who they are, or when someone is confused and or torn between two or more dilemmas. This can be uncomfortable situation for all parties.  If not approached in a delicate manner it can often leave the one being confronted feeling like they are in hot water

That is right, confrontation can be a good thing and should be constructive and not destructive.  It does not have to be something that is loud, violent, and upsetting.  It can and really should be an interaction that leads to a resolve resulting in positive change.  By simply stating in a tone and volume that is not hostile one can say almost anything with out breaking down the lines of communication.  It was once said to me, “it is not what you say, it is how you say it.”

Think for a moment.  You are in a situation that is tearing you in two directions.  You are not sure which way to go.  To make it worse, it has an ethical element attached. Perhaps it is fidelity to a relationship, honesty in a listensituation on the job, or social issue.  You are torn between two or more decisions.  While you discuss this with someone who you feel safe in telling they begin to reflect back to you what you are communicating both verbally and non-verbally.  They say, “on one hand you are troubled about the situation, and yet on the other hand you want to do the thing that is bringing you this grief.”  Think about this statement.  It is brought to you out of a heart interest and caring.  This person does not become confrontational in a general sense, but it does bring you face to face with the situation, and there is the confrontation.

This process is an affective way to bring a person to a place of decsion and Clear Communication leaves the parties in the relationship that is intact if not strengthened.  Confrontation brings us to a place of decision and resolve.  Confrontation is a way of resolving a situation in a gental yet affective manner.  It can help us or others to see what they need to see.  If not done is a gentle way we run the risk of not being as affective as we could be.